A phrase often shared with humour. And yes, it does make me smile, because it captures a deep truth about how we’ve come to live.

Some of us were raised 'to be', to become a partner, a parent, or simply to fit in. Some of us were raised 'to do'. to earn, to prove, to lead. And all of us were shaped by expectations, visible and invisible, rooted in gender, culture, ability, age, and more…. urging us to keep striving, achieving, fixing, or justifying our worth.

We ask children what they want to become, as if they aren’t already someone now. We meet with others to do something, drink, dance, trek, cook, work out, shop. While some of us find comfort in simply sitting together, in silence or spontaneity, with no agenda at all. This isn’t to say one way is better than the other.

But it is worth noticing:

When we’re in survival mode, we often need to keep doing. When we’re truly living, we allow ourselves to just be. Most of us are surviving, filling every space with action, noise, or performance.

Historically, boys were raised to protect, provide, perform. Girls, to care, support, belong. Now, we all are expected to do something with our lives, and we’ve forgotten how to be someone, as we are.

But in therapy, I’ve sat with men navigating grief, confusion, love, and anger, not avoiding feelings, but learning how to be with them. They weren’t “bad at emotions”, they just never had space to feel safely. They were never taught that empathy starts with being present to your own emotions, not just doing things for others. Without that foundation, “helping” becomes codependency, not a gift to the other, but protection from our own discomfort.

So maybe the path forward is to do less, and be more. Not to discard action, but to slow down, ground ourselves, and truly live.

Here’s to the dance between being and doing.

To being the muse.

And doing the capture.

With presence, with love, with gentleness.