How We Work

Understanding Our Work Together: An Introductory Note

[ SHARED WITH EVERY CLIENT AT THE END OF FIRST FULL SESSION] 

Thank you for trusting this process and reaching out to understand your experiences better. I want to clarify that I am not a ‘clinical’ psychologist. We will not be diagnosing or labeling anyone with disorders or personality types. I believe we are all more than these labels; our experiences stem from circumstances often beyond our control, and our focus will be on moving from “coping” to “choosing.”

Thank you for your willingness to explore diverse perspectives. Below, I will share my inferences based on what you’ve described. Please feel free to correct me if I misunderstand anything. Your unique experiences are invaluable, and my aim is to help you gain greater awareness of what’s happening in your life based on your current choices or lack of it.

Always remember, your lived experiences matter.

Overview of Our Work Together

Our work will involve the following phases:

• Co-creation of Knowledge: You share your experiential knowledge, and I share insights about mental health, leading us to a new understanding of your lived experiences.
• Identifying Skills: We will pinpoint skills that need strengthening, recognize your strengths, and determine new skills needed to navigate your current situation.
• Identifying Support Systems: We will assess existing support systems, clarifying what is helpful and what may not be.

Sometimes, individuals find it challenging to seek help, which is where we can focus on the caregivers or support systems in their lives. Understanding and empowering these support systems is crucial for holistic growth and healing.

Addressing Common Questions & Language

You may wonder how it’s possible to work on something or someone without diagnosing or pinpointing a specific problem. I want to take a moment to explain that my approach involves unlearning the traditional diagnostic model, which I was taught during my psychology education at both the graduate and postgraduate levels.

Some may question why I don’t diagnose. In India, conducting psychometric tests or diagnosing requires a current license from the Rehabilitation Council of India (RCI) or a Medical License. While I originally obtained my license in 1999, I chose not to renew it as I consciously moved away from the diagnostic model. Consequently, I do not hold a current license to diagnose, and I am not a “clinical” psychologist.

Because of this shift, I also refrain from using terms like “counseling,” “therapy,” or “treatment” to describe our work. Instead, I view our time together as consultation, reflective work, or education. This choice doesn’t imply I oppose diagnoses; they can be necessary for specific accommodations within systems. However, my focus is on what works best for you—moving beyond labels to explore your lived experience.

Your Language, Your Terms

Just as I have chosen to move away from clinical labels, I want to honor the language you use to describe your own life. You are the expert on your experience. If there are specific words that feel right to you—or terms you find harmful or inaccurate—please let me know. I will always aim to mirror the language that feels most affirming to you.

Importantly, this process is not about quick fixes or me providing all the solutions or making decisions for you. Instead, my role is to facilitate your awareness so that with the right knowledge, skills, and support, you can discover the power within you to make informed choices.

The ARCH Approach: Our Guiding Framework

The ARCH approach is inspired by my Ph.D. research, Making Lived Experiences Matter. It focuses on embracing vulnerability, removing the barriers that block agency, and empowering your choices. Think of it as a flexible framework that helps us adapt and grow together.

• A: Awareness & Vulnerability
  We start with awareness, acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers. Vulnerability here means being open to what your mind, body, and emotions are telling you. This openness helps us uncover insights and make room for meaningful change.
• R: Regulation & Agency
  This phase focuses on learning to manage emotions effectively. We avoid making permanent decisions based on temporary emotional states. Instead, we emphasize recognizing our capacity to respond thoughtfully, both internally and externally. Here, we will explore grounding techniques and self-soothing strategies, ensuring that our emotions do not hinder us from living in alignment with our authentic selves.
• C: Choice & Empowerment
  Here, we move from just coping to making intentional choices. We work on clarity—deciding what, when, and how to communicate and respond. Here we intentionally choose non-violent communication and decide what, when, how and to whom we communicate.
• H: Health, Healing & Hygiene
  Our objective is to ZOOM IN on a specific event from start to finish. To do this, we’ll carefully go through the detailed sequence of the event as it unfolded, understanding how it concluded and where things currently stand. Next, we’ll ZOOM OUT to identify key patterns, allowing us to discern whether we were merely coping or consciously choosing our responses. This reflection helps us bridge knowledge gaps and gain deeper self-awareness.

A Note on the Journey

While the ARCH approach provides a structure, our progress is rarely a straight line. We may find ourselves spiraling back to ‘Awareness’ or ‘Regulation’ many times as we uncover new layers of your lived experience. This isn’t a sign of being ‘stuck’; it is the process of gentle unlearning in action. We go at the pace your nervous system allows.

From there, we’ll:

• Identify the skills we need and explore ways to strengthen them.
• Determine the support required to enhance those skills.
• Set SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to approach the next event with greater insights and see how things evolve.

I hope it’s clear that these sessions are designed to be educational, rather than a process to “fix” a person or a problem. We are all on a journey of learning more about ourselves and those around us. Our aim isn’t to find a quick solution; we are not making “mistakes” here. Instead, we are responding (or not responding) due to ingrained patterns we may not fully recognize—or we recognize but find challenging to unlearn and relearn, leaving us feeling stuck.

Through each session, we practice gentle unlearning. It’s gentle because we’re not blaming or shaming ourselves when old patterns resurface, and we’re not blaming or shaming others either. We simply aim to understand what is happening within us in response to what is happening around us.

Understanding the Nervous System

In our work, we will place a strong emphasis on understanding the intricate interplay between the structure, functions, and processes within our brain and central nervous system. These systems are not just shaped by our genetics and inherited traits passed down through generations, but are also profoundly influenced by our environment—starting from the very moment of conception.

This means that everything from early life experiences, cultural context, and daily surroundings to significant life events play a role in shaping how our brain develops and responds. We are, in essence, a product of both our biological wiring and the external influences we encounter throughout our lives. By exploring this dynamic relationship, we can gain deeper insight into why we think, feel, and behave the way we do, uncovering patterns that may have been invisible before.

Creating a Safe Space & Sensory Comfort

It’s essential for me to know that you feel safe, valued, and open to learning. If at any point you feel uncomfortable—whether due to something I said, my tone, or any other factor—please let me know. We’re all at different stages of healing, and I am learning too.

As we work on understanding the nervous system, I also invite you to prioritize your physical comfort during our consultations. Since these sessions are a space for your authentic self, please feel free to move, use fidget tools, or adjust your environment in whatever way helps you feel regulated. Whether you prefer to sit on the floor, have a warm drink nearby, or take a ‘processing pause’ in silence, your comfort is a vital part of our reflective work.

On the Use of Technology and AI in Our Process

In the spirit of transparency and co-creating our shared space, I want to share how I utilize technology in my practice. I use AI tools to help me structure and organize my thoughts, emails, and documentation. While the content and context always come from my own professional insights and our shared sessions, AI helps me ensure that my communication is clear, organized, and effective.

I believe that when used mindfully, AI can be a powerful partner in augmenting our health and well-being. It can help us slow down, reflect on our responses, and organize complex information. During our consultations, we may even explore how to co-create prompts together—using these tools to help you find the right words or structure your own reflections as you navigate your unique journey.

Rest assured, while AI helps me organize the structure of our communication, the specific details of our reflective work remain confidential and are handled with the utmost care for your privacy. Technology is not here to replace our human connection, but to serve as a supportive tool that empowers us to focus more on the “choosing” and less on the “coping.”

Session Structure and Communication

Your feedback after every session is vital for our progress. I encourage you to fill out the feedback form attached to this email. Open communication will greatly enhance our work together. https://forms.gle/Pr96rKLQqQb89R5Y8

For more information about my advocacy work, please visit my website at seemagirijalal.com. Additionally, feel free to explore my YouTube channel, where you can listen to discussions on some of the concepts mentioned here in both English and Malayalam. https://www.youtube.com/@MAKINGLIVEDEXPERIENCESMATTER

 

Approaches for Support and Growth

Navigating your personal journey can feel overwhelming, but remember, this is a space where you can choose the pace, direction, and focus. There’s no single right way forward—it’s about what resonates with you, what feels safe, and what aligns with your needs at the moment.

Below are the different approaches we can explore together. These paths often overlap and build on one another, and eventually, we will touch on all of them. For now, you can decide what feels most meaningful or manageable for our next session.

1. A Safe Space to Share and Vent

Sometimes, the first step is simply letting it all out. This is your space to share freely, without judgment or structure. Whether it’s about the past, present, or future, your story matters.

You don’t need to worry about organizing your thoughts—I’ll help with that. After you’ve shared, I’ll create a summary of what you’ve expressed, so you can see your narrative in a clearer, more organized way. This step can help you process and witness your emotions in a new light.

2. Naming and Understanding Emotions

Emotions can feel overwhelming until we name them and understand their roots. We’ll explore what you’re feeling, how these emotions connect to past experiences, and the patterns they reveal.

This approach also involves learning to express your emotions in a healthy, non-violent way. By practicing emotional awareness and communication, we can work toward understanding yourself and your relationships better.

3. Unpacking Thinking Patterns

Our thoughts shape how we experience the world. Together, we can identify recurring thought patterns, especially those tied to past experiences, and explore the emotions connected to them.

You’ll also learn how to communicate your thoughts constructively, using tools that foster understanding and connection rather than conflict.

4. Goal-Oriented, Solution-Focused Work

If you’re facing a specific challenge or decision that feels overwhelming, we can take a short-term, solution-focused approach. This method prioritizes clarity and actionable steps, helping you  / immediate concerns while keeping long-term growth in mind.

5. Deep Dive into Childhood Coping Mechanisms

The ways we learned to cope as children often shape how we respond as adults. Some of these mechanisms may no longer serve you and could even weigh you down.

This approach involves revisiting your past, understanding the coping strategies you developed, and deciding which ones to let go of. Together, we’ll work toward making informed, intentional choices rather than reacting from old patterns.

6. Authenticity in Relationships

Discovering and embracing your authentic self is key to building meaningful connections. This path focuses on accepting yourself fully—your strengths, your challenges, and everything in between.

We’ll explore where blame and shame show up in your relationships, and work on building the skills to foster trust, acceptance, and mutual respect with others.

7. Breaking Obsessive Thought Patterns

Obsessive or intrusive thoughts can feel all-consuming, but they don’t have to control you. This approach focuses on:

• Pattern-breaking through body-based reset activities.
• Reframing thoughts to shift their power.
• Learning to have constructive “conversations” with these thoughts before they spiral.

Together, we’ll explore ways to regain control and create space for clarity and calm.

8. Grounding Through Body Work

When thoughts and emotions begin to take a toll on your body—affecting sleep, focus, or overall well-being—grounding can help.

This approach emphasizes reconnecting with your body, using tools like mindfulness, breathing exercises, and sensory regulation to bring you back to the present moment. Focusing on your body can help release the tension stored in it and restore balance.

9. Building a Strong Sense of Self-Worth

A resilient sense of self allows us to navigate life’s ups and downs without feeling threatened by mistakes or setbacks.

This path focuses on strengthening your self-concept and embracing the idea that mistakes are opportunities for growth, not failures. We’ll also explore how to repair and reconnect with yourself when things don’t go as planned, fostering a sense of inner stability that supports healthier relationships with others.

Your Choice, Your Pace

As we move forward, consider what approach feels most accessible to you right now. Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection. Each step we take is one toward healing, understanding, and growth.

Let me know which direction feels right for our next session, and we’ll take it from there. If you’re unsure, we can explore this together—it’s all about what works for you.

To remember with ease. Here is an acronym to help you choose 

“NAVIGATE”

1. N: Narrate – A safe space to share and vent.
2. A: Acknowledge – Naming and understanding emotions.
3. V: Validate – Unpacking thinking patterns.
4. I: Implement – Goal-oriented, solution-focused work.
5. G: Grow – Deep dive into childhood coping mechanisms.
6. A: Authenticity – Embracing your true self in relationships.
7. T: Transform – Breaking obsessive thought patterns.
8. E: Embodiment – Grounding through body work.
9. S: Self-Worth – Building a strong sense of inner resilience.

The acronym NAVIGATE reminds that you are steering your own journey, with each approach offering a different tool to navigate their challenges.