Emotional Health and Hygiene: Unplanned yet Profound FGD Experience

The original plan for two Focus Group Discussions (FGDs) with mothers of children with diverse support needs didn't go as expected, but the outcome was profoundly meaningful. Armed with charts, sketches, and crayons, we intended to document shared experiences of anxiety, sadness, and anger. Instead, we embarked on an emotionally cathartic journey, revealing deep-seated feelings and providing mutual support.

A Shift from Structured Activity to Emotional Release

The session began with the intention to make notes and identify common themes in the mothers' experiences. However, as we put away our materials, we created a space for grounding exercises and discussions on the physiological impacts of trauma. This shift allowed for a more intimate and supportive environment.

Dividing the Group for Better Interaction

We divided the 25 mothers into two groups. While one group managed the children, the other engaged in the discussion. This alternation ensured that all mothers had the opportunity to participate without distraction.

Encouraging Openness

Initially, the atmosphere was tense and silent. To break the ice, I shared some of my own experiences. This led to an outpouring of emotions from the mothers, as they shared their deep-seated feelings and challenges.

Common Themes in Mothers' Experiences

Several recurrent themes emerged during the session:

1. Grief Over Diagnosis: The pain of receiving a child's diagnosis remained intense regardless of the passage of time—whether 2, 5, or 40 years. Most mothers had suppressed their emotional pain.

2. Anxiety About Sensory Issues and Behaviors: Uncertainty about managing specific sensory issues and behaviours caused significant distress at home and outside.

3. Anger and Punitive Measures: Some mothers expressed anger towards themselves and their children due to resorting to punitive measures, often due to a lack of knowledge, skills, or support.

4. Grief Over Lost Support Systems: The loss of family members who were their support systems exacerbated their unprocessed grief.

5. Financial Anxiety: Concerns about the financial burden of raising their children and their own ageing and health issues were prevalent.

6. Anger at Social Stigmatization: Many mothers felt anger towards onlookers' insensitive comments and unsolicited advice, which added to their stress when trying to provide social opportunities for their children.

Reasons for Suppressed Emotions

The mothers shared why they often kept their emotions to themselves:

• Lack of Time: They felt they had no time for themselves, even for basic self-care.

• Listener’s Expectations: They believed those who often listened to their grief hurried them to think positive, thereby dismissing or invalidating their experience even before it was fully shared.

• Perceived Futility: They felt that sharing their emotions would not lead to any change.

• Fear of Misunderstanding: They worried that others would not understand their feelings and might offer unhelpful advice.

Emotional Catharsis and Mutual Support

Despite these challenges, the session allowed for a collective emotional release. Tears were shed, and a sense of cleansing was felt by all. Each mother expressed gratitude for the session, highlighting its significance despite its unplanned nature.

Reflection

The session underscored the importance of providing a safe space for emotional expression. It also highlighted the need for ongoing support and understanding for the mothers. The experience was a reminder of the power of shared experiences and the profound impact of simply being heard.

As we move forward, it is crucial to continue creating such spaces for emotional health and hygiene, recognizing that even small efforts can add immense value to the lives of the mothers.

Each one came up individually before leaving and gave me a hug, or a kiss, or a blessing or an invite to their home, or a promise for one more session with longer duration or a selfie and thanked profusely............. as I stood there feeling like a droplet as the ocean stopped by to thank her for adding value to her waves.............MILES TO GO...............