For a long time, I was the one who needed more of the “man.” More conversation. More communication. More hugs. More kisses. More connection. He was content. His one clear need was peace. So it was me who never had enough and he found everything too much or more than enough ...bordering on overwhelming! 🥴 🫢 My needs felt like noise in his peace. 😏 Over 21 years, we tried everything. Endless permutations of timing and togetherness. What fits work schedules. What fits energy levels. What fits shared interests. Some things worked briefly. Many fell apart as circumstances shifted. Nothing quite held. And then, strangely, what held was 'chala'. Yep ! Somethings fishy indeed! Four chala for ten rupees. One kattan kaapi. Grocery shopping that sets the day in motion. That’s what clicked. [ let me add... as of now... ] Rituals of connection in a marriage don’t have to be grand vacations or long drives. They can be built in small, repeatable ways. They can look like chala shopping. Especially when the benevolent fish seller insists on giving it free as it is from my for pooocha and I insist on paying as I need them everyday! That’s how permanent customers are made. “Find a way, or make one,” my mentor once said. I’ve been trying to live by that ever since.
