To become who we are OR unbecome who we are not. Are we in a hurry? Which CCCC are we in? How are we talking to ourselves and others? We speak to ourselves in the same manner that we were spoken to as children. We speak to our children and others too in the same manner in which we speak to ourselves. Our parenting culture, Our education system and our society at large continue to revolve around #Control : Instructional, where we are telling what is to be done. Do this/ Do that OR Don't do this/Don't do that. mode of talking. We do this in our attempt to take the lead and show the way. Here we are presuming incompetence in the other to lead and take control of themselves. #Correction : Correctional, where our statements are pretty much definite. This is right and this is wrong. A black and white way of speaking where there is only one truth and one way forward. We do this with the intention of not wanting the other to fail or experience sadness or hurt when they fail. #Criticism : Critical , where our statements are testifying that the other person is surely wrong and we are right. We know better and they do not know. We do this in our attempt to teach. #Coercion: Coercive , where our statements are pushing the other to do better and assuming that they are not doing enough or trying hard enough. Telling them to try harder and do better in our attempt to motivate them What we ideally want to move ahead to is #Conversations : Reciprocal where we listen to what they are saying and why . Are we hurrying them to a solution and do we have anything else to talk about other than instructions or life philosophy. Are we listening to more of what they are saying and how they are thinking? #Connection : Watch out for our own emotions and if we are disconnecting from them in our attempt to discipline them. Are we moving closer to them or distant from them and being an authority? Are we allowing them to also experience emotions and be okay with it? Allowing them "to be" and not hurry into what "to do" #Communication : Are we communicating the main message or is it becoming about putting them down. Are we gently breaking down the larger issues to specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time bound [smart] goals which are mutually agreed upon and arrived at together? #Collaboration : Are we including them in thinking or are we doing all the thinking for them with the assumption that they are unable to think for themselves. Are we including their thoughts and feelings too and understanding where it is coming from and slow down the process. Or, are we pulling them into our hurry If we have been raised like the above, then we could be doing the same to oneself and to the others around us as well. We might be addressing our anxiety also by "controlling it, criticizing ourselves, correcting ourselves and pushing ourselves or coercing ourselves to move forward" . We too have not learnt to sit with our anxieties and our own thoughts and feelings as we too are in a hurry to move on. To move from the first CCCC to the second we need tons of patience and time and we don't have that as we were not probably raised with patience and time. SLOW DOWN!
