October Observations
October 1, 2024
Starting online consults in 2020 and diving deeper into relationship dynamics, one concept that truly caught my attention is Non-Violent Communication (NVC). Today, on Gandhi Jayanti, it feels fitting to reflect on this, as Gandhi championed non-violence long before these ideas became formalized. Just like Gandhiji stood firm in his beliefs while advocating for peace and understanding, NVC aims to promote connection and clarity in our conversations.
But let’s face it: non-violence doesn’t mean sitting back and taking harm. A lot of folks often confuse what NVC really means. So before we get into what NVC IS, let’s clear up some common misconceptions about what it IS NOT:
What Non-Violent Communication is NOT:
It’s NOT about sweet-talking or pretending to be positive when you’re really feeling angry or sad. No faking it here!
It’s NOT about giving in just to keep the peace. That’s not real harmony; it’s just avoidance.
It’s NOT about suppressing your own needs or boundaries to make the other person happy. Your feelings matter too!
It’s NOT staying silent in the face of aggression or abuse. Speaking up is part of non-violence.
It’s NOT a way to dodge conflict entirely. Sometimes, tough conversations are necessary for growth.
It’s NOT just about being nice. It’s about being genuine and honest while fostering understanding.
Now, let’s dive into what NVC IS. Here’s a breakdown:
What Non-Violent Communication IS:
It’s about turning towards each other in trust and curious compassion. This means being open and ready to connect, even when things get tough.
It’s about understanding without blaming or shaming anyone. It creates a safe space to share unmet needs and unheard feelings.
It’s about respecting each other and taking responsibility for your emotions. It encourages you to breathe and stay grounded while expressing what you need.
It’s about negotiating to address each other’s needs. Let’s talk it out and find a way forward together!
It’s about observing the situation without judgment or interpretation. Just state the facts and pay attention to what really happened.
It’s about acknowledging feelings without shifting the blame. Share your emotional responses so the other person understands your experience.
While Gandhiji's philosophy of non-violence was revolutionary and aimed at resisting oppression, it often encouraged individuals to endure suffering for a greater cause. In contrast, NVC emphasizes healthy communication that fosters mutual understanding and respect, ensuring that no one feels the need to bear harm silently.
True non-violent communication is about addressing conflicts constructively and finding resolutions without anyone feeling devalued or unheard. So, let’s embrace this approach and strive for genuine connection!
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image : gandhiji statue lending his stick to a young girl saying " Use it beti , it's not 1947, it's time to defend(fight for struck out), yourself"
