Part 10: Navigating Grief and Emotional Discomfort with the A.V.O.I.D. Framework

February 20, 2024

  Welcome to Part 10 of Making Lived Experiences Matter. In this episode, I’ll discuss why I couldn’t record last week and delve into the complexities of grief and emotional discomfort. Our journey through mental health continues as we explore how to handle these intense emotions with patience and understanding.

Understanding Emotional Discomfort

In our previous episodes, we explored mental health through the lens of anxiety and the discomfort of uncertainty. From a child struggling with a toy to a disagreement with a partner or the profound pain of losing a loved one, these experiences revolve around the “I don’t know” of what has happened. While death is a definitive and permanent disconnection, other forms of discomfort, such as disagreements or delays, can leave us confused and uneasy. Grief and discomfort often stem from the unknown, and each situation requires us to decide how to move forward. Discomfort manifests on multiple levels: physical sensations, emotional responses to others, and cognitive processing of the situation. True mental and emotional health involves our ability to think and reason through these discomforts, integrating both physical and mental aspects.

The Danger of Urgency in Healing

When faced with emotional discomfort, the sense of urgency to “fix” the situation can be detrimental to mental health. Healing is not a race; it’s a slow, deliberate process. Just as eating an excessive amount of a nutrient in one go doesn’t cure a deficiency, hastening through grief or discomfort will not lead to genuine healing. In times of non-crisis, allowing ourselves to experience and process emotions slowly is crucial for maintaining a healthy nervous system.

The A.V.O.I.D. Framework

To navigate this process without escalating discomfort, I introduce the A.V.O.I.D. framework. This acronym stands for Avoiding escalation with a sense of urgency, and it serves as a guide to managing grief and emotional discomfort thoughtfully.

A - Accept

Begin by accepting your current thoughts and feelings without judgment. For instance, in the context of death, it's not about accepting death itself but rather accepting your emotional responses to it. There is no right or wrong way to feel—accept whatever arises and allow yourself or others to express these emotions fully. If you’re supporting someone, it’s essential to let them voice their feelings without rushing them to “move on.”

V - Validate

Next, gently validate why you or the other person is experiencing these feelings. Understand and acknowledge the difficulties involved, such as the profound sense of loss experienced by those grieving a loved one. Validation is about recognizing the validity of emotions and supporting others in their process of healing without pushing for quick resolutions.

O - Open Up

Encourage the process of opening up emotions and experiences. Whether through conversation, writing, or other means, creating a safe space for expression is crucial. This openness allows for the gradual processing of grief and discomfort, helping individuals slowly reconcile their feelings.

I - Interest

Show genuine interest in what others are experiencing. Ask questions, listen actively, and engage with their feelings. Even if you don’t agree with their perspectives, showing interest fosters a supportive environment and aids in their emotional processing.

D - Delay Urgency

Recognize that there is no need to rush through the healing process. Avoid hastening decisions or actions, especially in non-crisis situations. Healing takes time, and rushing can exacerbate emotional discomfort and hinder true recovery.

Personal Reflection

In reflecting on my recent experiences—the loss of my beloved cat Zero and the passing of my father-in-law—I’ve come to appreciate the importance of patience in grief. Both personal and observed experiences have reinforced that allowing time for emotions to surface and be processed is vital. The A.V.O.I.D. framework aims to support a compassionate and deliberate approach to emotional healing. Thank you for joining me in this exploration of grief and emotional health. Remember, there is no rush to heal. By accepting, validating, opening up, showing interest, and delaying urgency, we can navigate these challenging times with greater empathy and understanding. I hope this framework provides guidance in your journey through grief and discomfort. Your feelings are valid, and taking the time to process them is essential for genuine healing. Thank you for watching and being a part of this journey. Let’s continue to support one another with patience and compassion.