Breaking Free from the "Good Girl" and "Golden Child" Trap Were you the “good girl” or the “golden child” growing up? Always praised for being perfect, obedient, and meeting everyone’s expectations? While this role might have earned you love and approval as a child, it often comes at a cost—one that can deeply impact your relationships, parenting, and well-being as an adult. Here’s how this shows up in different areas of life, for both men and women: At Work A woman raised as the "good girl" might find herself taking on extra tasks, saying yes to everything, and avoiding confrontation to maintain harmony. Over time, this leads to burnout and resentment when her efforts go unrecognized. Meanwhile, a man raised as the "golden child" may feel immense pressure to always perform flawlessly, avoid mistakes, and never ask for help. His fear of losing the respect tied to his "competent" image keeps him overworking in silence. Society’s lens plays a big role here: women are conditioned to prioritize cooperation and caregiving, while men are taught to equate worth with success and control. This dynamic makes it harder for both genders to advocate for themselves at work. In Romantic Relationships For women, the "good girl" tendency often means suppressing their own needs to avoid being labeled "demanding." They might agree to decisions or compromises that don’t serve them, just to keep the peace. For men, the "golden child" narrative can lead to emotional walls. Vulnerability might feel like failure, so they avoid deep conversations or dismiss their partner’s emotional needs, creating distance in the relationship. Again, societal expectations exacerbate this. Women are seen as the nurturers who must maintain harmony, while men are expected to be stoic providers, discouraging emotional expression on both sides. In Friendships The "good girl" often overextends herself, showing up as the "reliable friend" at the cost of her own needs. She feels guilty if she says no or doesn’t meet expectations perfectly. The "golden child" man may struggle with deep, authentic friendships because he’s used to being admired for his achievements rather than valued for who he is. Sharing vulnerabilities feels risky, so he avoids it altogether. Patriarchy amplifies these struggles: women are expected to nurture relationships tirelessly, while men often lack models for emotionally supportive friendships. As Parents When the “good girl” or “golden child” becomes a parent, the pressure to maintain perfection often shifts to their parenting style: For women: A mother who was the “good girl” might feel compelled to raise “perfect” children to continue fulfilling the role of being the ideal woman. She may overcompensate by trying to do everything herself—managing her kids, household, and career flawlessly—while struggling with guilt when things aren’t “perfect.” This can lead to burnout and difficulty allowing her children to make mistakes or express emotions freely. For men: A father who was the “golden child” may feel immense pressure to raise children who reflect his success. He might push them to excel in academics, sports, or other areas while struggling to emotionally connect with their unique needs. His focus on external achievements can leave him feeling distant from his children. Patriarchy’s Role: For mothers, societal norms reinforce the idea that they must "do it all" and raise children who reflect their worth, adding immense pressure. For fathers, patriarchy ties their value to their ability to provide and raise "successful" children, often neglecting the emotional aspects of parenting. The Way Forward Breaking free from these patterns starts with acknowledging them: At work: Learn to say no, delegate, and advocate for your contributions. In relationships: Practice expressing your needs and preferences without guilt. Vulnerability builds connection, not weakness. In friendships: Set boundaries that protect your time and energy. Seek connections where support flows both ways. As parents: Embrace imperfection in yourself and your children. Model self-compassion and create a safe space for your kids to express emotions and make mistakes without fear of judgment. This journey is about unlearning what we were taught to believe about “goodness” and perfection. For women, it’s about stepping into assertiveness without fear of rejection. For men, it’s about allowing vulnerability without shame. These roles don’t define your worth. Let’s rewrite the script and create fulfilling, authentic lives and relationships.
